It's A Simple Little Book
by AlarataraWitchIce
Summary: Cybertronians have certain rules, depending on which side you're on. Read as the Autobots discover their rules. Be amused at their reactions to some rules that they don't particularly like...oneshot. T for light lang.
1. The Autobot's Rules

**A/N: This is a total comedy FanFic…and it goes against to many rules! But I had to post this! I just love it! **

**So these are the rules that every Autobot must follow, and there is commentary from the team in between the lines…**

**~M.M.**

**It's A Simple Little Book…**

**Rule No. 1: Using canons against other Autobots is strictly forbidden. (Commanding officer may or may not allow certain Autobots to have immunity from this rule) **

~* "C'mon, Optimus!" Ironhide pleads desperately, "Skids and Mudflap are annoying the hell out of me!"

"Ironhide, at least attempt to control yourself." Optimus says, and continues to read the rules. *~

**Rule No. 2: Any creature lesser than yourself shall not be eliminated simply because of offensive acts. (No exceptions) **

~* Sideswipe looks at Frenzy.

"Damn it." Sideswipe says, and lowers his foot which had been prepared to stomp Frenzy into oblivion. *~

**Rule No. 3: Intentionally causing your comrades to rust can and will be punished by the commanding officer in a way that he/she sees fit. **

~* _Note to self_, thought Sam Witwicky,_ keep Mojo away from Ironhide_. *~

**Rule No. 4: Engaging Decepticons in combat (or offlining them) without first suggesting a diplomatic solution could result in immediate exile. (Commanding officer may or may not change this punishment) **

~* Bumblebee looked down nervously.

"'Bee?" Jazz asked sternly, "Did you do something bad?"

"I fought Barricade…once…"

"Bumblebee!" Optimus scolded harshly. "Go sit in the corner!"

"But it was to protect Sam and-"

"In. The. Corner." Optimus pointed to a huge steel stool in the back corner. *~

**Rule No. 5: Any and all rules and regulations must be followed.**

~* "Shouldn't that have been the first rule?" Ratchet asked. Everyone turned to him.

"What do you mean?" Acree looked at him.

"Well, the book of rules is kind of self-explanatory; we're supposed to follow the rules. It shouldn't even be a rule." Ratchet began to chuckle. "What kind of an idiot made that a rule?"

"That idiot would be me." I say, and the Autobots begin to cower in fear. "Yes, my dear Transformers, be afraid. For I am," I flourish my cape for dramatic effect, "THE AUTHOR!"

The Autobots look at me, terrified, and in awe.

"Read on, Autobots!" *~

**Rule No. 6: The Commanding Officer is law. Any additional rules that he/she decrees will be followed like the rules in this book. (The Commanding Officer must also be treated with the amount of respect that he/she sees fit)**

~* "So," Optimus says, "who was it that started calling me Boss-Bot?"

The Autobots and the humans that worked with them all shared a look. *~

**Rule No. 7: All male Autobots must behave appropriately towards all femmes, and shall not harm, insult, or abuse them. **

~* Chromia, Acree, and Flareup all laughed, and shook their heads. Mikaela grinned and motioned for Optimus to keep on reading. *~

**Rule No. 8: The Author of this FanFiction will be held in a higher respect than the Commanding Officer and treated as a dictator. **

~* I blew on the ink to make it dry faster. I was surprised that the Autobots didn't notice. I turn around and wink at the readers.

"Hope you enjoyed the rules. Let me know if I should go on and make the Decepticon rules, too!" *~


	2. The Decepticon's Rules

**A/N: These are the rules for the Decepticons. They're a bit different than the Autobots! Bear with me, m'kay?**

**This set of rules features what the Decepticons must do, with commentary from our favorite enemies. ~M.M. **

**It's A Simple Little Book…**

**Rule No. 1: Trust no one, including other Decepticons. **

~* All of the Decepticons, even Megatron immediately pointed their canons toward their neighbors.

"I'm surrounded by idiots." The Fallen sighed, and continued reading. *~

**Rule No. 2: All small drone bots will be subjected to the indignity of being kicked around by their makers and/or superiors. (The Fallen may grant immunity, but he might not want to) **

~* Ravage narrowed his one optic, and Scorponok narrowed his. They both snorted, and that was a bad move.

Starscream and Barricade stood up and began to beat the crap out of them.

They stopped when all that was left was a pile of scrap metal. *~

**Rule No. 3: The Fallen is the high lord of everything. All rules and laws are subjected to change by him. **

~* All of the Decepticons looked to the Fallen, but he was just sitting there, bored. *~

**Rule No. 4: Engage ALL Autobots without first speaking a single word. (No exceptions) **

~* The Fallen looked at Megatron.

"So. Does this mean that you'll stop with your stupid, cliché, stereotype, villain-like speeches that you say right before you attack Prime?" The Fallen asked.

**Rule No. 5: All squishies are to be killed on sight. (The Fallen may change this rule if he wishes to have a squishy pet.) **

~* In the corner of the room, Blackout was holding something that was giving off a shrill, horrible noise that hurt all of the Decepticons's audio receptors.

Bonecrusher stood up and ran over to him, an eager look in his optics. He took the thing from Blackout and Blackout got mad.

"Give me back my squishy! I found it and I'm gonna keep it!" Blackout whined as he tried to grab the human back from Bonecrusher. Bonecrusher decided to play keep-away.

"Sure, Blackout, if you can get it!" Bonecrusher laughed manically.

"Blackout! Bonecrusher!" The Fallen yelled. Bonecrusher and Blackout stopped immediately and looked down at the squishy. It was still screaming. "Terminate that vermin before it offlines my audio receptors!"

They both didn't move, so Starscream stepped in. He flipped his canon toward the squishy and fired.

The Fallen continued to read. *~

Rule No. 6: Though The Fallen's word is law, The Author is the most powerful sentient being in the universe, and shall be treated as such. (No Exceptions)

~* "Who is this 'author'? I will tear him apart easily!" Megatron snarled, looking around at his comrades.

"Good luck with that, Mega-pawn." said a voice from the doorway. There stood a shadowed figure in a black cape, and it was about the size of a squishy.

The figure stepped into the light and Megatron laughed. It was a squishy.

But this squishy raised her hand and looked at Megatron coldly, her fist closing. Megatron began to choke. She lifted him from the ground with telekinesis and threw him across the room.

"B-but you're just a squishy!" Megatron gasped. A sword made of pure darkness plunged through his spark. For the second time, Megatron was dead.

The author looked around at the remaining Decepticons. Even The Fallen had nothing to say.

"Are there anymore questions?" the author asked calmly. The Decepticons looked at Megatron's body, then back at her, and furiously shook their heads 'no'. *~

A/N: Well…that's the end of the Decepticon's rules. It may have fewer rules, but it is, in reality the same length as the Autobot's rules. Hope you liked it. M.M out! Peace!


End file.
